Tranquil

Merriam-Webster defines tranquil as “free from agitation of mind or spirit” or “free from disturbance or turmoil”.

My dorm room is like that now.  Although I can hear the muffled voices of the girls who share the hall with me, everything seems to fade away when I’m in here alone.

The shades are closed, but the bright sun filters in, creating a warm, dim environment, perfect for blogging, napping, knitting or reading.  The heaters have finally been turned on, and though it is not stifling in here, it isn’t cold either.  It’s the perfect temperature to curl up, drink some tea, and do the activities mentioned above.

The soft hum of my laptop is as soothing as flowing water, and I can feel my eyelids get heavy.

My classes are finished for this week, and the weekend is in front of me, heavy with expectations of relaxation.  College is starting to wear me down, and this tranquility is perfect for my tattered state of mind.

Don’t forget to enter my giveaway for some cute Christmas jewelry.

Giveaway!! [Closed!]

So today is your lucky day!  Today is the day when my first giveaway takes place.  I will be giving away three sets of earrings and a 25% coupon to a lucky winner, and then two other winners get a 25% off coupon to my aunt’s jewelry shop.  (Thank you, Stacia!)  The earrings are adorable:

They’re all dangly, as you can see.  (Personally, the snowflakes are my favorite.)  Okay, now you need the rules.

  1. U.S. or Canada only.
  2. Post comments on THIS BLOG POST.  Comments on YouTube or Facebook are not accepted.
  3. Post only one comment.
  4. No Enter Me’s.
  5. Comment should include your name, and e-mail address.  If you’re anonymous, you can’t win!
  6. For the comment, you should write about your favorite Christmas memory; gifts, games, food, etc.
  7. Contest ends November 15th (everything will be shipped to you in time for the holidays!)
  8. Winner will be chosen via Random.org (on Monday morning at 11 am) and I will post a video of me doing that.

Have fun everyone!

Sincerely…Cassandra Has a New Look!

Lately, I’ve been looking at different themes for this blog, but I loved my old one so much that I couldn’t change it without feeling a tad bit guilty.  I don’t want to make this blog a changing place where you can’t ever find what you need to find.

But when I saw that there was a new theme, I headed over to check it out.  I was impressed.  The layout was clean, the pages showed up, and I was able to bring all of my widgets over.

I still couldn’t change it.

Today, I took the plunge.  I like the new look, the white sides keep it from being too dark, and the whole “grunge” look is cute to me.

So now that you know how I feel about it, let me know what you think.

Love it or leave it?

Ousnemer

So, next week, on Tuesday, is my 19th birthday.  For as long as I can remember, I jumped around, counted down the days, and told EVERYBODY when it was.

This year, I haven’t.  The whole season has been going by so fast, and it’s hard to keep track of the days.  I’m going to be 19 in about a week, and I’m not excited.  It’s my first birthday away from home, and it’s a little intimidating.

On the other hand, I FINALLY got my Avon site up and running (here it is), but my last name is SPELLED WRONG.

So, go forth and buy from Cassandra Ousnemer.  She’s a nice girl.

(The link to the site is also in the “More Me” tab.)

(Don’t mind the major breakout under my lip.  I was too lazy to put makeup on.  Also, you can see the annotations on YouTube.  The URL is in the “More Me” tab, as I’ve already mentioned.)

Flashback

Kyle took me to Paranormal Activity 2 last night.  I was excited at first, but as the movie progressed, I got more and more anxious.  Several parts made me tear up because I was so scared, and other parts made me jump and twist, almost breaking Kyle’s hand and wrist, which I was holding very tightly.

After the movie, we walked back to the car, with me avoiding the puddles because my shoes are so worn out, rain would seep in.  Rain was standing in huge puddles; everything was wet.

We started to drive back to Kyle’s house, and I was catching up on texts from during the movie.

All of a sudden, during a turn, the car started fishtailing on the wet road.  It went to one side, and I saw Kyle jerk the wheel to the other side.  It went on like that for what seemed like hours, but was only actually a few seconds.  The car straightened out, and I heard Kyle give an audible sigh of relief.

I started screaming at him, telling him that you don’t jerk the wheel, that’s what makes you flip.  And then I lost it.  I started sobbing uncontrollably, my entire body shaking, hot tears streaming down my face.  I was gripping my phone with one hand, and the handle of the door with the other.  I couldn’t make myself let go of either, even though my hands were cold, and hurt really bad from holding so tightly.  Kyle’s hand was on my thigh, comforting me with its warmth.

The scene of my car accident kept playing through my head, an endless loop that terrified me.

I was so mad.  How dare he tell me that I can’t hang out with my friends!  I took both hands off the wheel, kept my foot on the gas, and looked down at my phone, furiously typing a response before I ran out of service.  I looked up, just to check if I was on the road.  The speedometer caught my eye.  I was going 73, and the speed limit was 65.  I was going off the road.

Instinct told me to get back on the road, and I jerked the wheel, a sickening feeling roiling in my gut.  I started fishtailing.  I knew what was coming before it even happened.  My 2 month old puppy was in the car.

The car kept fishtailing, and then I was airborne.  My life flashed before my eyes; I see my dad, my brother, my sister, my nephew, my grandma, and then finally, I see Kyle.  I had my eyes open, and I kept telling myself, “This can’t be happening to me.  It’s so unfair to die.”

The metal of the car smashing into the ground, top than bottom, top than bottom, over and over made me scream.  The scream still echoes in my head.

The windshield shatters, spraying glass chips and dirt all over my face.  I finally close my eyes, holding tight to the steering wheel.  I taste dirt in my mouth and stop screaming.

The car finally stops slamming into the ground.

The window on my side is smashed so small, but I tell myself, “If your head can fit out, so can the rest of you.”  I reach for my seat belt, scared that it won’t open.  It clicks, and without thinking of the glass all over, without thinking about my dog, I drag myself out the window.

It’s a tight fit, but I manage to squirm enough to get out.

Once the ground is beneath my feet, I look around.  The car is almost buried under the dirt it dug up.  There’s glass everywhere, glinting in the sun.  I see the chrome of my phone and hurry towards it.

I fall to the ground, crawling to the edge of the road, trying to get away from the car.

The wheels are still spinning.  I feel like if I touched them, they would burn me.

I sit, mesmerized by the sight of my blood dripping.  It rolls down my arm, and then drips onto the grass, where it rolls down the stalk, and soaks into the dirt.

I see Salem up on a hill in the distance.  He’s sitting there, watching me.  He’s so small.

I call home.  I’m hyperventilating, and I can’t make my mouth form the words it needs to form.  My grandma, who answered, hands the phone to my dad just as a car slams to a stop and people get out.

The women rush to me, holding me, asking me if I’m okay.  Someone takes the phone from my hand and tells my dad that I’m alright but he needs to come.  The directions are wrong.  I try to explain that I’m “up top”, but the man ignores me.

Before long, there are cars everywhere, people swarming me, taking my hand, holding my neck.  A man is holding Salem, who is whining and fighting to get to me.  I hear the man talk to Salem, “Whoa buddy, she’s alright, look, there she is.  You’re okay, little guy.”

Then my dad is there, yelling my name, asking questions.  I can’t breathe, let alone explain what just happened to me.

I make Pat call Kyle; I expect him to be freaking out, not knowing where I am.  I tell dad that I was texting him, in a halting sort of way.

They strap me to a board, my blood is all over people’s hands.  The color is the only thing I’m able to focus on.

Finally, we get back to Kyle’s house.  I step out of the car, shaky.  My legs are jelly, unable to hold my weight.  We get inside the house, Kyle’s mom ruffles my hair, telling me that it’s cute when it’s down.  Then she sees my face and her voice holds a note of panic when she asks, “What happened?”  Kyle explains.  She asks if we’re okay, if we hit anything, etc.  While he explains, I escape to the bathroom to compose myself.  My face is white, my mascara is streaming down my cheeks, and caught in the hollows under my eyes.

When I come out, everything is suddenly okay, and I try to forget.  I make some tea to calm my body down, which is still shaking.  While we sit at the table, Kyle’s mom is across from me.  I feel her watching me.  I look up when she asks, “Did it remind you of your accident?”

I look away, but I nod.  I change the subject.

Then, while our laundry is finishing up, we watch Hercules.  I feel better.  We head back to the dorms when the movie finishes up, and go to bed.  I don’t dream, which is a relief.

On a lighter note:  I got some new makeup bags, because I’ve ordered new makeup.  They’re super cute.

They’re from Wal-Mart, and the brand is Modella.  I can’t wait to fill them up with all my new makeup.

The big bag will be the main case.  The second one, I haven’t really decided what I’m going to do with, and the smallest bag with hold my brushes, when I get some.

Shuffle

This morning, while getting ready for a meeting, I had my iPod on shuffle in my dock.  Pretty normal stuff played; Marilyn Manson, Mindless Self Indulgence, Evanescence (normal for me anyways)…And then, all of a sudden, a song played that took me back to my first real slow dance with my biggest crush, Lincoln.  (People from Hulett, you’re probably cracking up right now, because there’s only one Lincoln.)

Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter.

Not only did it remind me of my first grown-up dance (it wasn’t really that grown-up…I was really afraid to ask him, and he finally asked me when people told me I wanted to dance.), but it reminded me of going to town in the summers with my sister, Kim, in the jeep that Beth let her drive.  I remember the sun streaming in the large, open windows, our hair blowing around, sunglasses reflecting the bright sun, screaming the words to the Deana Carter CD that was playing.

We never went because we had to go, we went just to hang out, just to be together.  Pat seldom came with us, and escaping from home was always welcome.  I thought that we were the bets of friends, and I never wanted to summer to end, because that meant that we would go back to bitching about each other to our friends, and avoiding seeing each other in school.  She was the coolest person I ever knew, and I was always so upset when she shunned me in front of her friends.

I was just the dorky little sister that always wanted to tag along.  Now I can see why she never wanted me around, but it doesn’t lessen how bad I felt when she made fun of me.

But during those summer months, we were best friends, going everywhere together; to town, up on the hill to tan together, etc.

I miss the days when what CD we wanted to listen to was the only thing that we had to choose, before money and motherhood got in the way.  (Not that I don’t love my nephews.)  We were so free and able to do whatever we wanted.  High school is so far behind both of us, and even though it was the worst time of my life, I would give so much to be able to go back to when we were able to hang out in the jeep, talking, laughing and singing to Deana Carter.

It’s funny how those memories last…

Non-Video Update :)

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve actually posted a blog, but I’ve been hooked by doing videos!  They’re so much faster to do, and you can see me talking.  But I miss the way I relax when I write a blog.  Everything comes out much better.

So, if you have been watching the video updates, you’ll know that I got the yarn I ordered.  I’m so excited about starting the beret, but I need to have my needles first (hint, hint Pat!).  (I thought I did a post about it, but I guess that was just a video.)

But anyways, after classes this morning (I woke up at about 7.45, for my 8 a.m. class, and just barely got there on time..) I came back to my room, checked my Facebook, and then crawled into bed and took a nice, long, relaxing nap.  Then Kyle called, and insisted that I go eat with him.

We’re going to go to the library later, because from my last real text post, I showed you all the books I have, and one of them is due in a few days.  I want to get it back before I get fined for it.  It is Clan of the Cave Bear, and I feel some loss (although I’ve read it before), because I’m not able to start reading it.  I know if I started it right now, I could finish it before it’s due on Friday.  I don’t have class until 4 tomorrow, so I’d have plenty of time, but I need to get other things going, such as my Avon site, which I’ve been having some trouble with.

But oh, how I want to relax with my favorite book of all time…The story just whisks me away, and I could use some whisking away right now.