Frustration

The thing that I always wanted happened with my blog.  I started getting massive amounts of traffic, and I have loyal readers (who have been upset with the lack of posts…I’m sorry…it’ll change).

But while I appreciate all my readers, and all the support I get from you all every day, something’s changed.

This blog is no longer for me.  I write everything down, and end up removing bits and pieces because I feel like I need to censor myself.  That’s not even close to what I wanted to happen.

I’m not the type of person to hold back on what I want to say, especially on my own personal blog (popular though it has gotten).  Sincerely…Cassandra has always been a place that I could spill my thoughts and feelings without worrying about being questioned about them.  But now, I’m getting messages calling me out on what I write.  (And for everyone who contacted me about my explosive rant, or who didn’t contact me, but talked about me on Facebook, you proved me right.  Why would you send me messages defending your actions if you didn’t do anything wrong?  Are you feeling some guilt now?  I’m going to cut myself off before I start a rant, but seriously, you proved me right by posting all of that extra shit.  I can post screen caps if you want…I can really embarrass you if you want to go down that road.  Grow up, you fucking idiots.)  My family is getting phone calls about my posts and right now, I’m afraid to write what I’m feeling, and without my outlet, I’m having a hard time healing.

I hate that I feel like I’m not allowed to put down what I feel, and I hate that I’m afraid of the repercussions of writing how I really feel at the moment.

I’m not exactly sure how I should fix the problem.  I’ve been avoiding blogging for this reason.  It’s hard for me to cut so much important stuff out and still make you understand how I’m feeling.  I need this outlet because it’s the one place that I felt comfortable telling everything, and not leaving anything out.

I need my blog back.

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2 thoughts on “Frustration

  1. Write journals like you used to. That always did seem to make you feel better. Don’t do it for the attention, do it for yourself. Good luck, Cass.

  2. Cassandra, I always love reading your blog! I love reading it even when it is about something that seems uncensored. I appreciate honesty, and it’s so awesome reading your blog and feeling like you are being honest. It’s such a relief when we live in a world of half-truths. I’m sorry that there are people out there who get mad about what you say. They shouldn’t be following you, or reading your blog if they so vehemently disagree. I agree with Anon though, if you need an outlet, and this isn’t working anymore, go back to journaling. Having an outlet is important. Hope you feel better.

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